Hymn For The Missing
by The Viper's Krazy Chick
Summary: I tried to walk together. But the night was growing dark. Thought you were beside me. But I reached and you were gone. A Randy Orton one-shot based on the song Hymn For The Missing by Red.


**AN: This was inspired by the song "Hymn For The Missing" by Red. I though it fit Randy and Ashlynn, even though this is taking from Randy's view. The point of this one-shot is to illustrate that Ashlynn wasn't the only one who suffered the three years she was gone. Randy never gave up on her even if he eventually married Sam. This is in no way made to be stalkerish or creepy. He wanted to find her to get some answers to why she up and left without so much as saying goodbye in person, well that and he believed if he found her then she wouldn't be able to get away again. Again I don't own anyone in the story. Randy belongs to the WWE and the song belongs to Red. Just a one-shot to clarify what happened to Randy while Ashlynn was gone. It's sad but it will make sense in ****Trying Not To Love You****. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it. I know some of the stuff in here might be a little repetitive but I wanted to make it long to convey his thoughts, so doing it line by line made it longer and some things repeated. **

* * *

**I tried to walk together**

Randy was sitting on one of the chairs in the arena. His legs were stretched out on top of the chair in front of him. He arms were folded across his chest. Wearing a hoodie, jeans, and tennis shoes showed just how little he cared right now. The hood of the hoodie was placed over the hat he was wearing, something he grown accustomed to doing to avoid any "unwanted" attention. He wanted nothing to do with anyone at the moment and the one person he did want wasn't anywhere to be found.

**But the night was growing dark**

It was hours before the show started. The crew was still setting up the chairs and the ring below him. He was watching them but his mind was elsewhere. He was miles away, something he found himself doing since she left. He knew it would be dark outside soon and it would be time for him to start getting ready for his match that night. He really didn't care much anymore. He was getting sloppy at work and he knew that it was showing. So far no one talked to him about it. Probably because they felt sorry for him. He shook his head as he figured that was true.

**Thought you were beside me**

He took in a deep breath of air and released it slowly so it came out as a long sigh. Truth be told he was breaking down on the inside. Everyone could see it but few cared to mention it to him. One of his best friends, John Cena, tried to help him get through his pain but nothing worked. He still wanted her. He craved her attention, something he never thought he would want in a woman. He was always the type to walk alone and do his own thing but with her there somehow that all changed. He wanted to be near her and feel alive rather than dead. He was so used to the dead feeling that he no longer wanted to feel that way. When she was around him he never felt more alive. The dead feeling he had now seemed foreign to him. He just wanted her back here with him but he knew that wasn't going to happen.

**But I reached and you were gone**

He could feel the tears start to form in his eyes once again. He rarely ever cried but this was the one thing that made him want to cry. He reached up and wiped his eyes. He was careful not to irritate his eyes even more. The bags under his eyes cause them to hurt. The lack of sleep was starting to take a toll on him, another reason he was sloppy in the ring. He couldn't sleep and when he did it was often the same nightmare. He dreamed of her leaving him just like she did only each time she would say something more to rip his heart out. He knew it was a dream but he couldn't help but wonder if it was real sometimes. His bed never felt lonelier then it did at now. He often felt himself reaching out for her knowing she wasn't there but hoping she would be. She could always heal his pain but now she seemed to be the reason he was hurting.

**Sometimes I hear you calling**

He hated going home now. Every time he did he would hear her voice. It was like she was calling out to him but she wasn't there. When he sat on the couch in silence he could hear her laughter as if she was right there. After being there a few hours he always left the house. Hearing her voice just drove him nuts, since he knew it was all in his head. Hearing voices were bad enough let alone hearing hers to. He tried sleeping in his house since she left but that was even worse. He heard her calling out to him while he was sleeping. Another reason he stayed either at his parents' house or a hotel when the WWE was in St. Louis.

**From some lost and distant shore**

He often found himself doing things that she loved to do. He would walk up and down the beach when they were in Florida. They came there a lot since she had a house in Tampa. She loved going to places that resembled beauty. The beach was her favorite place to go. He also went to a skating ring that they went to on several times in New York. When John asked him to come bowling with him and some friends he only went because she loved bowling. He could remember all the little things she enjoyed doing such as going to various clubs with friends, staying in and watching movies, going shopping for books or video games, strolling through the park, walking up and down the beach, and walking around a town or city under the moonlight. He even went to a lighthouse because she always wanted to go to one but never went.

**I hear you crying softly for the way it was before**

He couldn't shake the feeling that wherever she was she still needed him. He searched for her for two years and found nothing. She was nowhere to be found. It was like she fell off the face of the earth. He knew that wherever she was she still wanted him. He couldn't explain the feeling and when he did tell his friends that they only looked at him like he was crazy. Then again what did they know, right? Some of his friends weren't even in relationships and those that were either were either falling apart or had no idea what he was going through. He kept holding on to the thought that she would return.

Where are you now?

He even went so far as the drive to her house and sit outside it. He found himself staring at it for hours. He knew she wasn't there. He already tried going to both her house in Tampa and her condo in California. She was hiding pretty well. Even her brother wasn't saying anything, even when he cornered him. He wasn't sure what to do anymore. Should he continue to look for her even though it was evident she didn't want to be found?

**Are you lost?**

He thought that maybe she wasn't coming back because of him. Maybe she had finally given up on the love that they had. He wasn't sure what he did for her to just up and leave him the way she did. He knew it had to be something more but the voices in his head told him it was him. He struggled with this everyday for three years.

**Will I find you again?**

The chances of him running into her were pretty high; after all he did travel for a living. She couldn't hide from him forever could she?

**Are you alone?**

He knew of her situation. He knew about her family. Her brother and father was all she had other than her brothers family. If her brother was back to work then he had to wonder was she alone?

**Are you afraid?**

He knew how close she was with her brother so the fact he was here and not there with her made him worry even more about her. Why wouldn't he be there with her? Did she not want him there? Did her brother even know where she was? He couldn't get anything out of her brother. He avoided talking about his sister like they were fighting or something.

**Are you searching for me?**

He doubted that she was looking for him. If she really wanted to find him all she had to do was turn on the television and tune in to Raw of SmackDown to find out where he was and even where he would be the next week. Somehow he had the feeling she didn't want to be found. How do you go about looking for someone who doesn't want to be found?

**Why did you go? I had to stay**

The longer he sat there staring off into space thinking about all this information the more he had to wonder why she truly left. Sure she left him a note but nothing more than that. He leaned over slightly so he could reach into his pocket. He pulled out a wrinkled sheet of paper that he folded up and carried with him everywhere. It was the letter she written for him. He unfolded it carefully as if it was fragile glass. He read over her incredibly neat handwriting.

_Randy, _

_I know you want answers but for now this is going to have to do. By the time you read this I will be long gone. Don't come looking for me because you won't find me. I have things to take care of and I need my space to do them in. When the time comes you will have all the answers you need but for now this is goodbye. I am sorry I can't face you to give you the proper goodbye you deserve but let's face it if I did tell you goodbye in person you wouldn't let me leave. I have to do this Randy. I don't know how long I will be gone but I know that one day we will meet again. Know that I love you with all of my heart, regardless of how much pain and hurt I am putting you through by leaving. It is for the best. If you should meet someone else before I return then what we have or had just wasn't meant to be. I want you to be happy Randy. You deserve it. I'm not asking you to move on and forget about me but if you do find someone who can be all that I cannot be then by all means don't let her go. I just want was is best for you and right now I know I am not. Take care of yourself._

_Love always,_

_Ashlynn_

**Now I'm reaching for you**

Tears ran down his cheeks once more as he read the note over and over again. He had the note memorized but seeing her handwriting brought back memories of how she would write him notes if she left while he was sleeping or if he was in the shower and she left. She would text him to but he loved seeing her take the extra step to make sure he knew she was safe. Writing notes back and forth like they did, even it was to say they were heading somewhere, meant a lot more to him then her sending him a text saying the same thing. It showed she cared about him enough to take the time to write him a letter. In this day and age, technology took over the world. It was just nice to see that she liked to be different then everyone else. She was truly special.

**Will you wait? Will you wait?**

She never said that she was leaving him for someone else. Should he hope that she will return for him? He wasn't sure but if or when she did return she might be disappointed in him. He feared that if she did return that he might lose her for good. She did say if he found someone else to move on but he knew her better than that. He knew that was her way of covering all her bases. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that she didn't love him. He knew that she did. After all they have been together for three years. Every moment they could share was shared together. They spent much of their time trying to make as many memories as possible, in the process creating a few firsts for each other.

**Will I see you again?**

He just had to hold on to the possibility that she would come back. If they weren't meant to be together then he could at least be in her life. After all she was his best friend. That's something you don't throw away, no matter what you go through with the person.

**You took it with you when you left**

One thing was for sure she took his heart with her when she left. No matter how much he wanted to have the void in his life filled he couldn't. He tried dating a few times but he compared each of them to her. They would never compare to her. He only tried dating to get John off his back. He wasn't too thrilled about it.

**These scars are just a trace**

The pain he felt was just another scar to him. In time it would heal and in time he would have his answers. He just had to be patient and ride out the storm. What was a rainbow without the sun and rain right?

**Now it wanders lost and wounded**

When she first left he was so lost. He had to get used to being alone and used to the silence once again. The time he spent with John or Sheamus made the time pass but even they knew that he was suffering. He was just a shell of a man, waiting for her to return to him. Would he be the same when she returned? He wasn't sure. He didn't know how he was going to treat her if he saw her again. Would he welcome her back with open arms? Would he hate her for making him suffer? Should he just move on and forget about her? He wasn't sure. He knew that a part of him was always going to love her but a part of him was always going to hate what she did, until she explained what happened to him.

**This heart that I misplaced**

Ashlynn loved corny sayings. For some reason they made her laugh or at least smile. Most people would roll their eyes or get mad at the person for their comment but not her. She would get a kick out of something like that. He remembered one time for Valentine's Day he bought her a stuffed heart. It said be mine on it. He personally thought it was silly but what he had in mind would just make her day.

_After he purchased it he headed back to the hotel. He already gave her several things that morning so she wouldn't be expecting anything else other then the two of them going to dinner in a few hours. On the way to the hotel he thought about how he was going to present it. A smirk formed on his face. He parked the car and headed inside the hotel. He maneuvered around the people, holding the stuffed heart behind his back, as he made his was over to the elevator. He pushed the button and waited for the door to open. When it did he pushed the button to take him to the second floor. He hummed to himself as he rode the elevator up. Once he heard a ding he got ready for the doors to open. When they did he made it down the hallway towards there room. He slid his card key in the door and opened the door. He looked around the room before shutting the door. He noticed she was playing Call of Duty on the X-Box. He chuckled to himself as he walked over to the back of the couch. He watched her play until her team scored 75 points. She put the controller down and jumped up at the sight of him behind her. A grin plastered on her face as she walked around the couch to where he was. _

"_Babe?"_

"_Yeah?" she asked as she leaned up to kiss him softly on the lips. He kissed her back passionately. The kiss went on few for a few minutes and he almost forgot the heart behind him. He pulled back and leaned his forehead against hers. _

"_I think we need to be more careful," he said keeping a serious look on his face while a confused look displayed on hers._

"_Careful of what?"_

"_Where you put my heart." He brought the heart around from behind his back and held it in both of his hands as if it was fragile. "I think someone left my heart at the store and now they are selling them like no tomorrow. Only problem I see with this is someone else getting the wrong impression that you don't have my heart. You are the only one I want to have my heart. If you look my heart has something to say." He turned it around so that Be Mine was facing her. "It wants to be yours." She giggled at him for being so corny but took the heart._

"_You are sweet you know that. I will guard it with my life." She held the heart over her own and wrapped her other arm around him pulling him down for a sweet kiss._

**Where are you now?**

A smile formed on his face as he remembered that. Ashlynn wasn't very hard to please. That was one of the many things he loved about her. He could make her laugh or smile so easily. If only he was there with her now to make her laugh or smile. Her laughter was infectious and something he loved to hear. He sighed as he thought about how much he was missing out on with her.

**Are you lost?**

Maybe she was truly lost. How else could she throw away three years of a relationship with him just like that? How could she just walk away? He longed to know the answer to that question but would he ever know? Or did he truly want to know the answer?

**Will I find you again?**

He felt that until he found her he wouldn't' be able to find himself. He felt himself slipping away the longer he went without answers. He felt that even if he had the answers it meant nothing to him as long as he didn't have her.

**Are you alone?**

He wondered if she was hurting just as much as he was. When he would go home for a suspension and she couldn't follow she told him that those were the longest periods of her life. She was so used to being around him that it came natural to her. When he was away from her it was like taking a blanket or a teddy bear from a toddler and telling the baby that it couldn't have it back for thirty days or even sixty days.

**Are you afraid?**

He cleared his throat as he moved to situate himself better in the chair. He wished he could hear that she was okay. Her brother wouldn't even tell him that, like it was a huge secret. He acted like no one cared about her wellbeing or something. That if anyone knew if she was alive that it would cause a lot more problems than him being interrogated now. He could see problems if she was dead but all he wanted to know is if she was alive.

**Are you searching for me?**

He wondered if she returned if she would look for him. Sure the majority of his thoughts of her were speculation but he couldn't help wonder about her. He still loved her and that was something that wasn't going to go away. She made him feel alive. She changed him from being the person he was before into a better person. He felt like half of his very soul was gone. She was his best friend and soulmate. Something that no matter what he couldn't change anymore then she could.

**Why did you go? I had to stay**

The more he thought about it the more he thought it was meant for him to stay behind so she could take care of whatever she needed to take care of. It could also be that he was blinded by the love he had for her but he would rather think that things happen for a reason.

**Now I'm reaching for you**

The dreams about her never stopped. He eventually hated sleeping because he would always have a nightmare. After some time passed he got used to waking up in a cold sweat. It was the only thing that kept her close to him, even if he felt his heart breaking more and more every time she spoke to him in his dreams. She always said degrading things to him or about those close to him when he dreamt of her. Knowing that she wouldn't do that in real life kept him from hating her completely.

**Will you wait? Will you wait?**

He felt bad for not waiting on her. With his friends giving him hell for not giving another woman a chance it finally got to him in those three years. He met Samantha years ago in high school but never thought of her as anything more than that. Sure they went out a few times back then but it wasn't anything serious. She even knew that. With John being the persistent person that he is Randy didn't have much of a choice but to not go out with her again. He felt bad for leading her on, since his heart was elsewhere but what could he do? He couldn't just ignore every woman who batted her eyelashes at him, not with John always ragging on him. He chose Sam and the rest was history. They had a child together, which had his parents off his back. He really loved Alanna but didn't like who the mother of his child was. She was just "filling in" for Ashlynn.

**Will I see you again?**

He wasn't sure if he would ever see her again but that didn't stop him for hoping. He kept wishing that she would return and everything would be alright. He had tons of questions for her and felt he wouldn't be at rest until he saw her again. He didn't care that he was with someone else. She was the one who had his heart. He didn't love Sam. His heart belonged to Ashlynn and always would, even if she didn't see it. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He stood up from the chair, after letting his mind wonder over her. He stretched and picked up his bag. He walked down the steps and headed towards the backstage. The crew was finished putting the ring up and setting the chairs up. He began the process of clearing his mind, even if it was only for a short time, and started getting ready to entertain his millions of fans. His heart wasn't in it but that was something he couldn't help.


End file.
